The Spectator
by be-nice-to-nerds
Summary: "Usually, you love being Sugilite. She makes you feel powerful, and confident, and capable. But not today." Amethyst, Sugilite, and the communication hub. SPOILERS for 'Cry for Help'; consume with caution.


Usually, you love being Sugilite. But not today. You like Sugilite because she's an escape. She makes you feel powerful, and confident, and capable. Sugilite can handle anything. She's the baddest gem in town, and usually just the thought of fusing with Garnet makes you jumpy with excitement.

Today, though, you see the mess that is Pearl and Garnet in front of you. You see Garnet's anger and disappointment and betrayal, and you know that Sugilite won't bolster you the way she usually does. It's – you hate to compare yourself to Pearl, to miss my-pain-is-greater-than-yours, all showy motions and prissiness, freaking out about everything - but you understand why she did it.

You'd have done it too, if you'd had the chance. As is, you screwed up too early, messed everything up, like you always do. But you would have, if you could.

Opal is great. Used to be great; she's different now, emptier, like a bigger version of you. But even before Rose died and Pearl stopped being fun she was never as addicting as Sugilite. It's just something about being fused to Garnet. Being able to share in Ruby and Sapphire, even for a little while.

Garnet doesn't understand. How could she? When you're Sugilite you realise that this is how she feels all the time. All the time. All. The. Time. You wonder how she manages to keep herself so stoic; you don't think you'd be able to stop yourself from smiling constantly.

But Pearl screwed up, and just 'cause you understand why she did it doesn't mean she didn't screw up any less, but it's just scary, seeing Garnet's reaction and knowing that in another world that could have been you. You'd give anything not to see that look targeted at you – you'd thought her disapproval during the whole Slinker thing was bad, but that is nothing compared to this.

Pearl screwed up. You would have screwed up too. Everything Garnet is thinking about Pearl, now, she'd think about you too, if only she knew what you were really like.

So you don't want to be Sugilite, now. You don't want to fuse with Garnet in front of Pearl. You remember what watching Sardonyx was like, a few days ago, after Garnet had just told you that Sugilite was a liability. Maybe you and Pearl don't always get on, but man, you get what she's feeling right now.

But Garnet is mad, the maddest you've ever seen her, and you do not want to find out what happens when you say no to her right now. So you bow and you dance and you grit your teeth because you really Do Not Want to fuse right now, feel Garnet's emotions as well as your own, but you need to, you can't not – so you suck it up and suddenly you're not really you anymore.

 _You are a whirlwind of emotions, anger/fear/betrayal/sympathy – that last one almost sends you splitting into two, but you have a job to do,_ let's get it over with _, so you grit your teeth and pull your fist back. No time to summon your weapon, you want to this fast. It'll feel good to punch things. Get rid of all the emotions, and not the usual ones. At the moment you really don't like being you – but you can't split, not yet, not until the tower's properly destroyed, not until all the components are so finely crushed that neither Peridot nor Pearl (Pearl the betrayer) can put it back together. You have a job to do._

 _When the tower is destroyed you are still so, so angry, and you almost go looking for something else to hit, but then you remember Steven, and what happened last time (all your fault not good enough too many emotions you're not allowed to feel) and you feel yourself splitting again. You don't bother to stop it. You are Sugilite, and right now you want nothing more than to stop being you._

When it is done Garnet picks herself up from the ground, doesn't offer you a hand up from where you'd been flung when your fusion ended abruptly.

"You, get out of my sight," she says to Pearl, who shrinks into herself even more than she had been already. "Take Steven home," she says to you. "I need some time to myself."

You wrap your arm around Steven – you'd almost forgotten he was here, in all the drama – and lead him towards Lion. Pearl follows, quiet. Garnet doesn't look at you. She turns away, gaze trained on the wreckage of the communication hub.

When you teleport back to the temple Pearl disappears instantly, vanishing into her room without a word. Steven goes to follow her, and you grab his arm.

"Don't, Steven," you tell him. "She doesn't need another person telling her she screwed up."

"I wasn't going to," he says, eyes welling up with tears. "I just… Garnet and Pearl never fight."

You hug him. You've never really been good at this emotional support stuff. None of you have, really – that's what you have Greg for, usually. He sniffs and holds himself closer to you.

"What are we going to do now, Amethyst?"

"I don't know," you tell him, feeling the truth of it as you speak. There hasn't been a fight this big in – well, not since Rose, and you all know how well that turned out. "They'll sort it out in the end."

"Really?" he asks you, eyes all starry. For a second you contemplate lying, telling him everything's going to be okay – but you can't do that to the kid.

"No," you say, and slump down to lean against the wall. "Maybe. I don't know, Steven. I can't see the future."

"Well, I hope Garnet forgives Pearl soon," he says.

Relentless optimism – there's the Steven you know. It makes you smile, even if only for a second, and makes your skin stop crawling from the memories of Sugilite's rage and your reluctant fusing.

"Yeah, me too," you tell him.

* * *

 **So yeah. I watched the new episode and it gave me Emotions so I wrote this out as a reaction. It's maybe a little rougher than some of my other stuff (but also before SU got me back into fic I hadn't written anything for years) but yeah. I hope I managed to write Amethyst well enough, she doesn't come as naturally to me as Pearl does.**

 **Also apparently I only write in second person now? *shrugs***


End file.
